Recognize when you have been chosen! 

Relationships can be one of the most beautiful expressions of unified love, or they can prove to be one of the most damaging emotional experiences. Relationships that have “run their course” are the hardest ones to close. Neither individuals ever want to be the first to say goodbye, this is typically of those that have spanned for more than two years.

Letting go of someone you love is never an easy decision to make and for some women, it means having to start over and that is a startling reality many of us fear. Having to move on from a relationship where you have invested time and effort into will never be desirous, but we must be able and learn to recognize when you have reached a level of toxicity in a relationship.

If you find yourself having to question their every move, or you feel the need to snoop through his cell phone, he may have purposely left available in the open, understand that you are not in a relationship where you will ever have peace of mind.

Many women believe that once they have found “the one” they have to do everything humanly possible to make their relationship work, but what does “making it work” even mean? Does it mean blowing his mind every single time till he cries uncle during sex? Does it mean having and maintaining a perfect or near perfect relationship with his family and friends? Does it mean cooking every single night for him? Some of you maybe nodding your head in agreement that yes that’s what it means, but you’re wrong!  

Maintaining and having a steady relationship with a man is not solely about those things, in fact if you are a “chosen” woman it’s not about those things at all! When a man decides that he’s found “the one” three important things happen: 

  1. He let’s his friends and family know about you. What this means is that every other woman that they’ve seen him with or thinks he’s still smashing is done. He has intentions on bringing you around, so he’s setting the bar on the respect they must give to you.
  2. He calls up Sheniqua , Tasha, Keisha, Kimberly and Tanaya and let’s them know he’s with someone so everything they had is a wrap. What this means is he’s putting up the player belt and is ready to wear the settled hat. 
  3. He tells you that “the other day he was thinking about making a trip to the Bahamas”. What that means is, its official, he’s ready to start making memories that are of substance with YOU! Women please recognize in that instance that you have been CHOSEN! This is the moment you wrap your arms around him and kiss him. Just like his “unspoken I’m yours” is your unspoken, “thank you for choosing me.”

Maintaining this newfound status however for most women is the hardest job in the world, simply because you don’t understand the position that you’ve been given. Egos, insecurities, over exaggerated proclamations of independence and in some instances selfishness amongst other things tend to steer us back to the path of Singledom. We live in a era of egoistical “feminist” and self-entitlements of being dominant  or the “head” where it’s sometimes really unwarranted and we tend to spew this like vomit into our relationships with our men. 

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being independent and self reliant, but please understand overstating this and using it as an arsenal against your man is not a wise decision.  I’m certain that one of the reasons he chose you was because he saw your strength and quietly admires that about you, so unless you are dating a blind man, or an adolescent, that should be one of those unspoken communications between the two of you. 

Another unattractive hobby women do that leaves us asking the question “How did I lose him?” Is the constant hating and competition with other women for their man! Do you see anything wrong with that statement? The sad reality to this is, that we put ourselves in this competition Lil Wayne said it best, why you worried bout that other hoe,  that other hoe ain’t worried bout another hoe” and only for verbatim lyrics (I don’t condone or support women being called out their names) in many cases its the truth, and the reason she’s the one your man would be attracted to is that her confidence level is at a higher level. Side note here confidence is powerful and sexy, if you don’t wear it, you should go look for it in your size!

Ladies if he’s verbally said to you, he’s in this thing with you” why are you competing? There’s no need to feel insecure, nor to question whether or not he’s content with you. You’re only setting yourself up to create hypothetical “what ifs” and TV created drama in your relationship. This makes me revert to that old cliche saying, “if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it!”

Here’s a little inside secret from the memoirs of a side check with a really honest man. This honest guy told his side chick that she’s a good person, perhaps even wife material for someone, but just not him. He told her that he loved his woman, but that her insecurities just at times was too much for him to deal with. He told the side chick it wasn’t about how good she was in bed at all, but that she gave him what he was craving the most from the woman he did love and that was peace of mind” let that sink in for a minute with y’all. 

For all the self-proclaimed bad bitches out there that thinks you’ve won some prize or have accomplished some note worthy feat when a man comes to you instead of his woman, news flash kitty boo boo, you might only be the “filler” the fill-in till he’s ready to deal with the  drama from the woman who has his heart! For you nagging, insecure, hurt and broken women, please fix your life before you attempt to be in a relationship with a man! Stop with all the male bashing that “all men are dogs or are all the same! That’s the biggest manipulation and lie that women tell themselves and also the biggest projected foreshadowing of a doomed relationship. 

I’ve spoken with numerous males about this “choosing process” and how it works and the biggest peeve they have with women during and after this process and the general agreement they all seem to conclude, is that women worry way too much about each other as competitors when they should be concentrating on being what they need her to be and recognizing that they were the one that was chosen! 

When I had this particular conversation with Rob..we’ll call my friend “Rob” I was a bit perplexed because I had never thought about it that way, I needed him to explain what that meant. His explanation to me was that men do not process the dating or relationship dynamics the way women do. For a man, establishing himself as a provider to be comfortable enough to ensure stability for his future family is first and foremost in his head, they don’t concentrate on how long they have before their  imaginary time clock is going to expire, or of when they should have children or be married.

It’s not to say that they don’t think about these things at all, but it’s not for them as compulsory as women tend to think or make it out to be. When he’s ready to settle he will choose someone that fits his ideal perspective of a wife and then begin building that relationship up to press forward futuristically. His first step was that he chose you. For a man that is a huge decision! So logically he’s thinking if he chose you from among the many women that may have been options for him, why are you concerned with the women that are not you?

Singledom is overpopulated with bitter nasty and thirsty women. If you are in a healthy steady and progressing relationship recognize the very bold and empowering statement that your man has made and that is that you are Chosen!! Smile about that, let that fact adorn you and make him feel as though he is the King he deserves to be, because he didn’t have to choose you! 

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